The Poker Report

January 31, 2002

"Waxing Poetic Since 2001"

Impressions of January 30

By Stephen Elliott

Editor

Cooney doesn’t show up, off instead with Molly’s parents from Iowa. "Look ma," he says. "No corn."

Erik Jensen stabs climbing partner in the back while roommate takes a cell phone call. Trump tight no longer walks the beer drizzled plastic octagon. Obsessed with Wendy’s eyes, nose, and hair, Ben drops nine dollars. Wendy sweeps ten behind quiet but magnificent playing.

Donahue shows with two shawarma and starts issuing threats. "Next time," he says. "When we are in the hills of Palo Alto, I’m going to finish the job, with a gun. Your days are numbered and your friends don't care."

Anita leaves early, while she’s even, and Andy shows late buying in twice before ten o’clock. The table is loud and crowded. Everybody’s cashing out for six dollars and forty cents. The fridge is dirty and empty of beer. Rowen and Stef come and go while Jon Berry pees off the back porch, a lit smoke between his fingers. Jensen’s ace of hearts covers my five and for a second I can hardly breath. I remind him a friend is for a short time but an enemy for life. When no one is looking Jon Berry pours beer on my keyboard and Wendy cuts a piece of fabric from Stef Mann’s shirt. Rowen wipes the crumbs of nuttela crepe from his upper lip.

It’s already Thursday and the rent’s coming due. Congress says Enron is holding back while Janet and Erik haul bags full of bottles and cans to the curb below, we ran out early. I finish thirteen to the good after paying out in small coins. It was a night of chip changing and rounding up. Who was the big loser? I was too drunk to remember. Ben sits on the phone wires with the other pigeons shitting on the hookers and the chocolate factory squawking, "I’ve got two kings in the hole. Baaaawk! I’ve got two kings in the hole," and grabbing at Jon Berry’s sleeve with his small thin beak.

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Errata

By Chris donahue

Associate Editor

In response to a challenge issued by the Maryland Twins (Ben Peterson and Jon Berry), I have brushed up on my statistics skills and produced a theoretical answer to the question: "what are the odds of getting a 4-of-a-kind in Scrotum?"

My prelimiary findings (to be tested in the lab later today) indicate 17% chance of pulling a 4-of-a-kind. This finding seems to support our observations last night that any suckers trying to win on a full-house are in for a tough battle. However, the probability of getting a 5-of-a-kind is quite small (.34%) making the smooth 4-tens in the hole still one of the best hands ever seen at Steve's table.